I think I'm done nursing the patience

So awhile back I alluded to the fact that I was in the process of "adopting a grandparent" at our local care center. I haven't said anything else about it because I wanted to wait until I had something to report. And actually I guess I still sort of don't. Not that THAT is any different than any other aspect of my life, now that I think about it.

Short story long: I lost my Grandma M. four years ago, and I can still remember that last time we visited before her stroke, when she sat on her couch and held my hand and told me over and over how she had hoped I'd come, and there I was. The next time I saw her, she was basically unresponsive in a hospital bed.

Anyway, I've been thinking about that, and about visiting someone. Originally I thought I'd volunteer in one of the assisted living centers, but after writing an article about the care center for the paper, I decided to take that route. Just because... I don't know. Lower income, maybe needier people. Maybe someone's grandma could really use a visitor.

Ironically, my sixth grade elementary school class used to visit this place during the school year, and I hated it: The smell, the old people who would catch you and not let you go, the dark halls and aura of sadness. Hate is too weak a word. I despised that place with the whole of my being and would come up with any excuse not to have to go.

Life is hilarious.

But anyway, the process has been progressing at a snail's pace. Yadda yadda yadda, I won't bore you with my frustration or doubts the past six weeks. Let's just say that there's a lack of communication and/or commitment that grates on my nerves, and I have wondered a thousand times if I'm doing the right thing by volunteering here. When the activities director missed the appointment she set up on Monday, I was really thinking the time had come to just bow out.

I rehearsed my words carefully before we finally met up. But before I found my nerve*, she was all, I have two women in mind who don't have a lot of family and would feel so special to have someone come just for them, and I was like, oh, FINE. So I held my tongue is what I'm saying. And I have another appointment later in the week to meet these ladies and see if they like me, I guess.

We shall see.

*Confrontation is not my strong point.

Foo Fighters, Learn to Fly. Huh, looking at the lyrics, this song is a little angry. Ah, well. Learning to fly is hard. "Fly along with me, I can't quite make it alone."