Life is hilarious.
I got a beautiful 22 pound turkey on Saturday morning for Thanksgiving. So what if 11 people are coming for dinner? Thanksgiving is about leftovers that last for days. I feel I need to mention that in case anyone here isn't up on the finer points of the American Thanksgiving holiday. Which is basically all about gluttony, now that I think about it, but it's not commercialized gluttony, which makes it way better than Christmas.* It's about stuffing yourself with your family at your side and being grateful for your blessings. That's why it's so awesome.
Also: Turkey sandwiches with cranberry sauce? THE BEST.
Anyway, last night I decided to take the turkey out of the refrigerator for a few hours, just to make sure that the inside wasn't all icy and crusty and cold for Thursday morning. Having my hand all up inside a half-frozen turkey is not my favorite way to start the day.
The plan was genius. Until I left the thing on the counter all night.
It was still cool when we remembered at 6 a.m., but not cold. Since food poisoning isn't exactly the look I'm going for when I feed people, we tossed it in the garbage (feel sick about that, but what do you do?) and I was at the grocery store by 7. Incidentally, that's a really good time to shop. I had the store to myself.
So Plan B it is. I found a kind of partially thawed (read: Not) 12-pound turkey in the bin. Perhaps I should have just gone for the defrosted turkey breasts, but damn it, people, I want bones for broth. We've got traditions to uphold, for crying out loud.
Well, anyway. That's been all 3 hours of my morning so far. Now I'm off to make cranberry sauce, roast the sweet potatoes and clean the bathroom. Oh, and eat the apple fritter I bought while I was at the store. I mean, come on! There has to be some bright point.
*I'm a little confused about the Black Friday sales that are actually now Black Thursday sales. Um, calm down, people. This needs to stop. BOYCOTT! Or, you know, just stay home and eat your turkey. Good lord, no one needs anything that badly.