Your crystal ball ain't so crystal clear

Netflix, Netflix, Netflix.  I am getting so tired of this.

It is clear that for many of our members two websites would make things more difficult, so we are going to keep Netflix as one place to go for streaming and DVDs.

This means no change: one website, one account, one password…in other words, no Qwikster.

While the July price change was necessary, we are now done with price changes.

We're constantly improving our streaming selection. We've recently added hundreds of movies from Paramount, Sony, Universal, Fox, Warner Bros., Lionsgate, MGM and Miramax. Plus, in the last couple of weeks alone, we've added over 3,500 TV episodes from ABC, NBC, FOX, CBS, USA, E!, Nickelodeon, Disney Channel, ABC Family, Discovery Channel, TLC, SyFy, A&E, History, and PBS.

We value you as a member, and we are committed to making Netflix the best place to get your movies & TV shows.

Respectfully,

The Netflix Team

Yay, another email message!  From The Netflix Team this time instead of Reed Hastings, CEO and co-founder of Netflix.  Reed Hastings, CEO and co-founder of Netflix is apparently taking a break from this one.  Not that I blame him.  His last email flew like a bag of bricks.  Ton of bricks?  I can't remember the exact phrase.  My point is, who cares?  I'm still mad at you, Reed Hastings, CEO and co-founder of Netflix.  And I can really hold a grudge.  Just ask my husband.

(Not because I would hold a grudge against that darling man.  Just because he has to listen to me rant.)

Well, anyway.

No Qwikster.  But no reversal of splitting up the two services or charging the same for crappy streaming as DVDs.  (They're done raising prices "for now."  Great.)  Oh, wait--they're constantly improving their streaming selection!  That is good news.  Just for kicks, let's see what my streaming options are this fine morning, shall we?

• Drake and Josh Go to Hollywood from Nickelodeon.  Maybe not.
• Case 39.  Never heard of it.
• Conan O'Brien Can't Stop.  Okay, that might be interesting.
• Love's Kitchen.  Um, what?
• Meet Joe Black!  Oh, wait.  We watched that in 1998.
• White Irish Drinkers.  Do you think that's a comedy or a horror flick?  Because I can't tell.
• And a whole bunch of TV shows!  Most of which I could already watch on Hulu!  For free!

Well, but The Netflix Team did sign their letter "Respectfully."  So that probably counts for something.

I guess.

Here's a tip: Think it through next time, okay?  Because at this point, you pretty much just look like a three year old out of breath from all the screaming.  And also, I so wish I could break up with you like I broke up with Safeway.  Someday, Netflix.  Someday...

There are SO MANY song options for this one that it sort of makes my brain hurt.  I'm thinking we'll have to go with The Beastie Boys, "Sabotage."  The official video, because it's hilarious.  (You can skip the ad after a couple of seconds.)  Why are our backs now against the wall? You're scheming on a thing, that's sabotage.  (Word.)