The tree is frozen, the winter's white

This morning I am feeling old and cranky.  My back hurts.  (Technically it's my hip, but the pain radiates.  I think.  I'm too cranky to look at it objectively.)  And you know what sucks?  This is the best I'm ever going to feel.  When I'm 80 I'll look back on this and think, wow, those were the good ol' days when I could actually get up out of my chair unassisted.  I tell you what, there's some things I'd have liked to know about getting old ahead of time.  Like:

1. You are going to grow a mustache.
2. You are going to have worse acne than when you were a teenager.
3. You are going to hurt.
4. You will not understand popular music.

Okay, fine, I never really understood popular music (alternative, yo!), but still.

Whatever.  I've lost my train of thought.  That's another thing that would have been nice to know.  That memory of yours?  Pretty much just a memory.  (HA HA HA!  Ah, words are fun.)

So you've probably noticed by now that I haven't really got anything to write about.  No matter.  I promised my mother I would write more this month, and by golly, I am going to.

(I cleaned up the language there just for you, Mom.  You're welcome.)

(Not that my mother has ever complained about the language I use.  Sometimes when I'm writing, though, I'll wonder if she thinks all my damns and shits and hells are really necessary.)

(Oops, sorry Mom.)

Pointless Topic #1:
We are in a fairly awesome weather pattern at the moment.  It's COLD outside, but the good news is that it's all blue sky and clear and still.  I can take the cold if I can also have the sun.  And honestly, that doesn't seem like a lot to ask for.  Wearing leggings underneath my pants has proved genius.  I know I keep saying that, but people!  It is genius!

Pointless Topic #2:
The girls are taking hot soup in their lunches this week (hot soup, yes, I feel like I need to emphasize this, because they COULD be taking gazpacho, which is cold.  But they aren't.  Their soup is hot).  Johanna will pretty much eat anything, but Abby is picky now that she's twelve.  Yesterday they tried Earth's Best Organic Organic Elmo Vegetable Soup (I guess they felt like they needed the extra "organic" in there).  Abby thought it was disgusting.  Johanna thought it was okay, which for her probably does mean disgusting, because usually she's all, it's fantastic!  But no, it was just okay.

Poor Elmo.  Would it be bad to donate that other can we bought to the food drive?

Don't let that cute furry face fool you.
This soup is gross.

Today's soup: Wolfgang Puck's Roasted Tomato.  It smelled heavenly, so here's hoping it gets a good review.  UPDATE: Wolfgang Puck's soup was a hit!

Pointless Topic #3:
So way back in August I broke up with Safeway.  And I still stand by every one of those reasons why Safeway sucks.  Although I'm sort of disappointed I only got to 24, if you want to know the truth.

And you know what?  I have not been back since that fateful day.  But you would not believe the peer pressure I'm getting at work.  And I'm all like, are you kidding me?  Safeway and I broke up!  There IS NO GOING BACK.

But Cranky Steve, who runs the circulation desk (and yes, I call him that.  What?  He is really cranky), is on a mission to get me back through the doors.  I'm all, no way, Steve.  And he's all, you're stubborn.  And I'm all, if I go back, then I'm essentially saying it's okay for someone (corporations are people.  Thanks, Supreme Court!) to treat me badly.  And I think better of myself than that.  And Steve is all, but you can get some brand or other of natural chocolate chips there!  Safeway is the only place in town to get them!  And I'm all, it's going to take more than that.  Like for Safeway to not be Safeway anymore.

Plus, Ghirardelli makes a nice natural chocolate chip, and those suckers are everywhere.

So we go round and round and round.  Upside: He brought me a bag of those chocolate chips to try.  (They're called Guittard, in case you haven't broken up with Safeway yet, which I urge you to do immediately, break up, I mean, just FYI.)  So let that be a lesson to you, kids.  Take a stand and you too might get free chocolate chips.

Anyway, breaking up with Safeway has been surprisingly easy, aside from the fights with Cranky Steve.  For one thing, I never really went in there very often anyway.  Mostly it was just when I wanted to go to Starbucks.  But you know what?  As I've mentioned before, we have local coffee roasters, and I can just waltz into those places any ol' time I want (as long as it's operating hours, I guess.  I'm not really into breaking and entering) and get coffee without having to deal with parking issues, or low lights, or long lines, or anyone berating me for not checking myself out.

So take that, Safeway.

The end.

Stephen Colbert, "Another Christmas Song."  This one is Johanna's favorite.  She just thinks it's funny.  iTunes had it free last Christmas, so his retirement plan might not pan out the way he'd hoped.  But still, thanks for the laugh, Steve!