The Abby Texts: Rummage sale

The scene: Abby, who needs lots o' volunteer hours for high school, has been volunteering at the annual church rummage sale this week, sorting through bags of assorted crap and putting it in its correct area. She's the youngest one there by 50 years. The altar society ladies love her, as well they should, not that I'm biased, but I'm totally biased. Anyway, this was my lunch entertainment on Wednesday:

Abby: Literally can I get an ugly Christmas sweater?

Me: Um, yes?

Abby: YES. It's hideous and great. It's pink with a puke-y Santa on it.

Me: Sounds pretty.

Abby: Also found actual cute Nike sweater.

Me: Perfect. How's lunch?

Abby: Nummies. Had Subway and a doughnut. Everyone loves my Christmas sweater.

Me: I bet. Dream come true!* You're totes set for Christmas now.

Abby: I'm excited! Short in sleeve sorta but baggy and weird everywhere else.

Me: Dreamy.

Abby: Pink with snowflakes knitted into sleeves.

Me: Better and better! Why would anyone want to part with that?

Abby: I don't know dude. LOVE IT. We owe a total of $3.50.

*This is actually not hyperbole. Abby has been wanting an ugly Christmas sweater for months.

P.S. Puke-y Santa close-up. We can't figure out why there's a cat in the lower right corner holding what we can only assume is an American flag. Betsy Ross is so pissed right now, you guys, I just know it.

There is so much going on here that is just astounding.