True story: I've been a law abiding citizen since Thursday.
I got pulled over for speeding, that's why. By Officer Princess. That's what Abby thought the officer said when he introduced himself, anyway. I think it has a nice ring to it.
The scene: The road
Me: I'm totally speeding. And there's a cop. And crap, I'm going to get pulled over.
Abby: He's not pulling out.
Me: He's pulling out.
Abby: His lights aren't flashing.
Me: His lights are flashing. SHIT!
Abby: MOTHER. Johanna is in the back. I didn't learn that word until fourth grade. This is unacceptable.
Me: [Abashed] Shit, you're totally right.
Side Note: Just kidding. I apologized. Curse-free.
The scene: My pulled over car
Officer: Hello, I'm Officer Princess. You were speeding back there, and I think you realized it because you tapped your brakes.
Officer: Are you late? Is there an emergency?
Me: I'm late for work. I start at 1 p.m. and I have to take my girls to my parents' house.
Officer: Where do you work?
Me: The paper. Ironically, I'm the one who typesets the weekly police and sheriff logs.
Side Note: I actually did not say that, but it would have been AWESOME had I thought of it at the time. Probably. Maybe. Perhaps not.
Officer: May I see your license and registration?
Officer: What's your record like?
Me: Well... this is the first time I've been pulled over for speeding.
Officer: [Mildly shocked and slightly disbelieving] I see. Excuse me.
The Scene: Still my pulled over car
Abby: What IS your driving record like?
Me: It's actually really good. I got pulled over in college when someone stole my license plates at that church camp I was working at, and then maybe ten or eleven years ago I got flagged over... oh crap, I think that was for speeding too. I'M A LIAR.
Abby: You need to breathe.
Side Note: I can't actually remember what Abby said. It was probably very witty, though.
The Scene: Yet again my pulled over car
Officer: You're record is clean. I want to remind you to slow down.
Me: I totally will. My heart is beating so fast.
Officer: Have a safe day.
Me: Thank you. You too.
Abby: You were giggling. I could tell you were stressed out.
Hey, you know what, though? It's a good public safety reminder. For me, I mean. I called Eric to tell him my story and he was all, you do drive too fast, and I was all, yeah, I don't always pay attention. But I was paying attention today, just in case I passed Officer Princess again. I think he'd be proud of me.
Linkin Park, I'll Be Gone. I don't know of any songs about getting pulled over, so I'm picking another favorite from LIVING THINGS. Why are all the songs in caps on this album, by the way? This is sort of a sad song. But awesome. "Stars are slipping down." I love you, Linkin Park.