You know what, Internet? My brain is not functioning. I feel all foggy. I know what I need to do, it's just that I can't seem to get there. When the going gets tough, I like to just stop all together.
Forget fight or flight. I want to take a nap.
The only problem is that sometimes you make dentist appointments and the dentist actually expects you to show up. You need to take the keys out of the car before you lock up. Fresh towels and underwear require planning and effort.
My mind is very cluttered lately. You'd think knowing would be most of the battle, but it's really not. Half the family on both my side and Eric's has health issues, the kids are home 24/7, the house will not stay clean no matter how hard I try, and everyone always seems to need something from me that I just don't want to give.
I daydream about school starting again and those four glorious hours of quiet before I have to go to work. Of Johanna actually eating crackers over the table like I asked the first seven times. Of tossing half our possessions and organizing the other half. Of reading out on the deck in the full sun. Of being able to use my poser iPad without competition.
But then I think: If I did have the peace and quiet I crave so much, if my house did stay clean, if I did have time to read all I wanted, would I be happy? Or would I be bored? Would I miss the chaos?
Because really, the chaos is pretty awesome. I get a lot of hugs and kisses and dandelion bouquets because of the chaos.
And so what if the chaos is overwhelming, really? Who needs to think anyway?
The Fray, Over My Head. Fact: Johanna is "allergic" to this song and refuses to let me listen to it if she's around. "Just say that we agree and then never change / soften a bit until we all just get along."
No comments:
Post a Comment