Dear Little Old Lady,
Why is it that I end up with all the weird calls at work? Probably because I'm new and, while things are becoming clearer, now that I'm THIS CLOSE to my 6-monthiversary (what? That's totally a word), there's still a lot of stuff that I'm just not emotionally stable enough to handle.
Like when you called recently to put in that garage sale ad, but were afraid you'd be charged extra because it was really a moving sale ad and you didn't want to pay more. (Fun fact: Garage sales, yard sales, rummage sales and moving sales are all one and the same.) But then you wanted to place additional 2-week, $10 ads for things like a $5 sewing table.
Look, I'm no math whiz, but it seems like placing a $10 ad to sell a $5 item is not, shall we say, "fiscally responsible." This is why I suggested just adding these items to your garage/moving sale. And while I can appreciate that maybe this was a new concept for you, maybe you could have just gone with it instead of needing it all explained to you. In triplicate. Really, I'm on your side.
And after we'd finally established that adding the $5 pieces to your moving ad would save you quite a bit of money, I was okay with you adding ten more items, ranging in price from the aforementioned $5 to $450. Look, that's cool. But maybe next time you can have your prices all sorted out before you call me. Or just list the items, sans prices, and let the garage-salers figure it out when they arrive at your house. This simple step could shave 20 minutes off our phone time, not that I'm trying to hurry you in any way, but I do sort of have this job to do... and newspapers run on what is generally referred to as a "deadline."
One more thing: When placing an ad, the first thing you need to give me is your phone number. That story about your mother's hand-braided rug that's 50 years old and still in pretty good condition, but you and your medically challenged husband keep tripping over it, so it's breaking your heart but it's got to go? I totally want to hear it, just after you give me your phone number. Without that phone number, I can't start the ad. That's just how our computers are set up.
I will forgive you... well, most of this (let's not get crazy here, Little Old Lady)... just because of how you sweetly said, "Just a minute" to me and then yelled at your husband to hush up while you were on the phone, and then coming back on and being all sweet again. That was sort of awesome.
Remember: Phone number first, and have your ad worked out ahead of time. Now, maybe go bake some cookies and then bring some to me. Just because I really like cookies.
P.S. For some reason, Coldplay's "Talk" is speaking to me right about now. And also, Eric claims he can't tell if I'm being serious (and "whiny") or funny. It's a fine line, isn't it?