April books

April ended up being a pretty good book month -- the eLibrary really came through. Actually it came through a little too well, as I've got a couple of books I haven't been able to crack open yet. As long as I keep my Kindle in airplane mode, I can keep them in my queue. Otherwise, they'll get automatically checked back in -- they're way over their due dates.

Is that against eLibrary law? I have no idea. Or regrets.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Future by Michael J. Fox (177 pages)
So, look. I think this book is supposed to be for, like, graduates (high school or college, either is fine) who are looking for advice from this actor guy who has had the highest highs and the lowest lows. Or something. And I think this is supposed to be reassuring, as in, "I've made mistakes and I've taken some chances and some crap happened and some good happened, and that's just life."

But you guys... this is drivel. I have "Lucky Man" on my Kindle (I bought it when Amazon had it on sale for 99-cents), and that was actually kind of interesting. This is just a reserving of his other writings meant to suck you in with the ol' Back to the Future reference, because who doesn't like Back to the Future?

In other words, I'm not really his target audience. On the upside, it only took a couple of hours to get through, and I had nothing better to do anyway. Another upside: I got this on my eLibrary account, and I got to check it out IMMEDIATELY. That never happens.

But lord, it's dull.

One Good Turn: A Novel (Jackson Brodie Book 2) by Kate Atkinson (433 pages)
I like Kate Atkinson. She writes fun books. Her use of language is fun, I mean. Sometimes her storylines are just alarming.

Eh, but what could happen? I was again on eLibrary, trying to find something to read (irony, since I can buy stuff now), and I remembered how I enjoyed "Case Histories" (or Jackson Brodie Book One) and I just wrote about how much I love "Life After Life," so really, it was a no-brainer to add this to my virtual book bag. Or whatever.

Just like in "Case Histories," we're introduced to a whole load of different characters who, eventually, you realize are all part of the same story. The ending on this one, though? I did NOT see that coming.

This was enjoyable enough -- I scarfed it down in three days -- but in some places I found myself just skimming because I wanted to hurry up and see how it ended. That's why I generally have to read books twice: Once to get it down quickly, and once to actually read it. ;)

I liked it. I immediately went and placed a hold on "When Will There Be Good News?" which is the third in the series. Our eLibrary doesn't have any of her other books, though, which is a bummer because I'd love to read "A God In Ruins" (with Teddy from "Life After Life"). Ah, well.

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell (529 pages)
You guys, I was not prepared for how much I was going to love this book. It's the ... well, it's the fictional book that's featured in "Fangirl," another Rainbow Rowell novel (which I thought was okay, but kind of long). So I sort of knew what it was going to be about, just because excerpts from THAT book are in THIS book.

Except she hadn't written it yet.

Anyway, seriously, I LOVE THIS BOOK. Another eLibrary ordeal, but I think I'm going to have to buy it. It's fun, well-written, and just when you think you know how it's all going to end -- because we've all read these "chosen one fantasy stories" more than once -- she changes it up.

Read it twice. (But only counted the total in my "pages read" once.) Rainbow Rowell is awesome.

Pages read: 1,139
Plus all the other pages I've read: 3,267
Equals! 4,406

Another round of pointless updates!

1. Hello, internet friends! I decided to ditch all plans today and just enjoy being at home. The weather is gorgeous, my house is a mess, and I have nothing that I really need to be doing. 

What a gift!

2. Was it only last Saturday that I ended up in Longview with my parents because we'd gotten the call that Grandma's heart was acting all funny and she'd been taken to emergency? Anyway, as I sort of alluded to in a past post, it turns out my sweet little Grammie has congestive heart failure. And had a mini-stroke, although that happened in the hospital and since my mother and aunt were watching her and noticed it, she was saved from having a massive stroke.

Because of that, she's been admitted to a nursing home for a few weeks (this place totally sucks -- it's where my mother had to bust out my grandfather a couple of years ago). But she's content, and she's getting better, and maybe she'll be able to move back to her assisted living apartment.

When your Grandma is 92, you just sort of have to accept that there is no way you can control the outcome and just be grateful that you still have a grandma. 

Anyway, although that was NOT the Saturday I'd wanted to spend (emergency rooms are kind of the worst), it was okay because I got to see Grandma and tell her that I love her so much, and just kind of entertain her with stories about the girls, and hang out and just be.

3. We've had some ridiculously great weather in our little part of Oregon this week, and the flowers and buds are really starting to pop. This makes me so happy. I love being able to take a walk after work or have lunch outside in the sunshine. 

4. That sunshine and ability to have outside lunch breaks saved my sanity this week, as we were putting together an annual spring section at work and that was a lot of extra stress and angst and general awfulness. Our publisher must have caught on to our despondency because she brought in good coffee and snacks half-way through. Turns out I can be bought. Actually, never mind, everyone already knows the way to my heart and happiness is just coffee.

But hey! We finally sent that thing off to press yesterday! My eyeballs will probably stop hurting any minute now.

5. The only bad thing about the sunshine is that, as I'm looking out the window trying to decide what to write next, I can see those windows are grungy and need a good clean. Ah, well. Maybe tomorrow.

6. Johanna went to a Blazers game on Thursday with her class at school -- a very last minute thing, as she had previously said she didn't really want to go. Turns out the $10 fee was just to buy her ticket, so I sent my baby to Portland without any spending money, which wouldn't be a bad thing if this kid wasn't an empty vessel that must be constantly fed. Luckily, her best friend's grandpa had volunteered to chaperone and he spotted her for snacks. This is why you read the fine print when you're signing a permission slip three hours before the class leaves, I guess. 

Ah, well. Details are boring.

7. Now that I've written about Jo, I feel like I need to write about Abby, just to be fair. That kid is so super busy and has so much on her plate. Are all teenagers this driven? Anyway, with basketball over, she's been able to enjoy more time with friends, and I think that's a good thing -- she needs to have some fun.

Also, we are not even thinking about the fact that she is in her last term as a junior, and that next year she graduates from high school and goes off to college. NO.

That's all I have to say about that.

February/March books

Rest assured I am keeping up with my "pages read" extravaganza. It's just that I found myself resisting reading in February, until it occurred to me that THAT was because I didn't like my book very much.

So I quit reading it. And that made all the difference.

Because I gave up buying stuff for Lent, my book choices were limited to what came up on my eLibrary account and what I already have in my ebook collection.

It was like I was a pioneer or something.

*** MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS EVEN THOUGH I'M TRYING REALLY HARD NOT TO ***

Wildwood (Wildwood Chronicles Book 1) by Colin Meloy (565 pages)
Ah, I began this book with such hope. I've heard from several people that this book series is a winner. Well, it's set in Portland -- our neighbors to the west -- and Colin is the lead singer of The Decemberists.

I LOVE The Decemberists!

But I just couldn't get into this book. It was fine. It was even fun in some spots. But it just wasn't my cup of tea.

Because I love coffee.

And I still love you, Colin Meloy.

P.S. Johanna is reading this book and she likes it just fine. She has to ask me what words mean a lot, but I think that's a good thing. Expands her vocabulary.

Under Wildwood (Wildwood Chronicles Book 2) by Colin Meloy
I'm not going to even put a page count here because this is the book I quit about a quarter of the way through. I just didn't want to read it.

I guess this begs the question of why I even attempted it if I didn't enjoy the first one, and the answer is easy: It was available on eLibrary and I figured it was the quickest way to get something new to read on my Kindle.

Ah, well.

Life After Life: A Novel by Kate Atkinson (512 pages)
Now here's a book I've already read a few times, and one that I keep coming back to because I like it so much. It's about Ursula, who keeps dying and then coming back for a do-over. She lives the same life, but it's never the same.

I don't know, I think that's fascinating. So I'll probably read it again.

Regarding Ducks and Universes by Neve Maslakovic (344 pages)
This is one of the very first books I bought for my Kindle back in 2010. My device was brand spankin' new, and this book was on sale for 99 cents. I hadn't learned yet that there are reasons cheap books are cheap, but let me tell you this: I got a hell of a deal, because this books is amazing.

So it was fun to have an excuse to read it again. It's all about quantum physics... without being about quantum physics. Felix in Universe A is feeling pretty good about himself until he realizes there's another Felix in Universe B. It's a complicated idea, but Maslakovic doesn't make it seem complicated at all.

Yes, go read it. You're welcome.

The Sisters Brothers by Patrick deWitt (339 pages)
So this book... I don't even know where to begin. This is another of my favorites from my own personal (nonexistent because it's digital) collection. The writing style -- or how Eli Sisters "speaks" -- verses what Eli and Charlie are doing is just... it's hilarious. These two are assassins. They should not be sympathetic characters. Well, Charlie really isn't, but Eli is. It's dark and grim and just funny as hell. I don't know what this says about me personally, but I totally recommend this one.

Fangirl: A Novel by Rainbow Rowell (445 pages)
It's no secret I'm a big Rainbow Rowell fan -- this is the third book I've read of hers in as many months -- so maybe you can imagine my joy when this one came up on eLibrary. I literally dropped what I was doing and just started reading right then and there.

This book was good, although I'm not sure it was as good as some of the other books of hers that I've read (Eleanor and Park? That one is perfect). Cath is in college. She writes fanfic and has a very popular website. But she's struggling. It's her first year of college. Her twin sister Wren isn't really talking to her. She's worried about her bipolar dad.

But she's endearing, and she acts totally like an 18-year-old would, and it was nice to see that she was eventually able to get her shit together.

If I keep my Kindle in wifi mode, I'll have enough time to read it again before I have to return it. ;)

February/March pages read: 2,205
Plus January:1,062
Equals: 3,267

Huh. I would honestly have guessed I was higher than that. Who cares, really, I just think it's kind of interesting.

A couple updates or whatevs

Update 1
I just watched Johanna give Eric a hair cut. With clippers. It's probably the best home hair cut he's ever gotten.

Which means I am off the hook for future hair cuts. That's the best case scenario, really. ;)

Update 2
I have been battling a mother of a cold since last Wednesday. You guys, this cold has been so bad that I missed a day of work. And all our planned weekend activities (see Update 3). It started with a tickle in the back of my throat, then advanced to a raging headache and coughing so hard that I swear I've broken my sternum. The alarming thing about THAT is that I have a high pain threshold, which makes me wonder exactly how bad I'm actually feeling. I mean, if I think it hurts, then it's probably really awful, right? Like punctured lung bad!

Well, whatever. It only hurts when I cough. Or sneeze. Or blow my nose. Or laugh. The dumb thing about all this is that, while I sound terrible and look worse and am constantly clutching my sternum (I'm kind of proud I even know what a sternum is, although I didn't until Eric told me this morning), I'm actually finally feeling better. I can feel the pressure leaving my head, and it no longer hurts when I swallow.

It's just those damn unannounced tickles that send me into coughing fits and bring me to my knees.

Eh, it's probably fine. No, it's not. God, that hurts...

Update 3
This weekend we had Big Plans in the Walker household: Abby and Johanna received awards from the Sons and Daughters of the Oregon Pioneers (Abby is Miss Pioneer Oregon,* and Johanna won the middle school essay contest), and then Johanna had a two-day basketball tournament. So we were going to spend the night with Eric's sister and have all this family time and whatnots.

So I missed that. Ah, well. But Eric taped both Abby's acceptance speech and Johanna's time in the basketball games for me, so I at least got to watch after the fact. Not quite as good as being there, but I definitely made the right call staying home, in that I was just in bed for 48 hours. Good times.

Abby is going to be mad at me for posting this.
Let's not tell her, okay?

*It's an essay contest, not a pageant by any stretch of the imagination. I'm not sure why I feel compelled to tell you this. Mostly because ... well, because I think pageants are dumb.

Update 4
So let's talk about Miss Pioneer Oregon's costume, shall we? We had exactly three weeks to get this together and have her portraits taken. Ha ha ha! Isn't that hilarious? Also totally true.

So we found out she'd been awarded the honor the day we left for the Christmas House in Lincoln City (relive those memories here and here). Abby and I hit the Goodwill there, not really expecting to find anything but also totally hoping we would because, as I've mentioned above, time was of the essence.

Anyway, so we hit Goodwill and go to the dress section. There's a lady in the way on Abby's end of the size rack, so we just go to the other end ... where we find this red gingham monstrosity in a size 18. Abby, incidentally, is like a 6. Well, what could happen? It's got a great front button feature and the pattern is definitely 19th century. Here's a close up of the top:

WHY ARE YOU SO ADORABLE?

The buttons were actually the best part of the dress. Emboldened by our discovery, we hit the "miscellaneous linens" section, hoping to find some sort of apron. What we actually found was a bed sheet (?) that had a nice crocheted bottom. We were like, we can totally make an apron out of this! 

Ten minutes and $15 later, we were feeling kind of good about ourselves. Although when we took our items up to pay, Abby was all, please don't judge us, to the cashier, and we told her about Abby's award and that was a mistake because the cashier had all kinds of ideas and she was clearly an overachiever. They're out there, you guys. All you can do is smile and nod.

Yadda yadda yadda, I took the dress to an alterations shop in town, and the lady took the dress in IN ONE DAY for $35. Score. Then my mother, bless her soul, made the apron, and my mother-in-law pitched in a green bonnet, and Abby already had some black combat boots (close enough to prairie-wear) and some grey tights, so wallah! That is how you make a pioneer costume in 18 days.

As for the portraits, I took them myself in our backyard. I figured, what the heck, I get paid to take pictures all the time (kinda) for the newspaper, so really, what could happen? This was a good route to take, by the way, because it's basketball season and figuring out when we could actually get pictures taken turned into a bit of a dilemma. But we did it. 

I'm kind of amazed it all worked out so easily, really.

January books

One of the benefits of working at a newspaper is that I come into daily contact with a lot of ideas. We have a monthly columnist who wrote early in January about a book challenge she's been taking part in the last few years, which involves not only tracking the titles of the books you read, but the pages.

For someone who really hates math, I really like statistics (it's what Eric calls one of my consistent inconsistencies), so my first thought was, that is brilliant! And then because Austin Kleon has inspired me to Steal Like An Artist, I decided to make that idea mine. So I've dedicated a couple of pages in my journal for such a list. So far there are only has three entries.

Well, the year is young.

Incidentally, I read all of these books thanks to our library's ebook checkout system. It's frustrating as hell to have to wait for a book you want to read now (what a first world problem), but on the upside, the waiting strengths your character. I guess? At any rate, I am reading more books.

*** MAY contain spoilers, though I'm trying really hard NOT TO. ***

"Us" by Navid Nicholls(419 pages)

I picked this one entirely based on the author, who, as the cover suggests, wrote "One Day", one of my all-time favorite books EVER OF ALL TIME. I mean, I really love that book. So without reading any customer reviews or really looking into the subject matter, I just went for it.

After I read it, I went online to see what other people thought, and it was just a bunch of variations of Douglas is so boring, why did Connie want to marry him in the first place?, which totally bummed me out because me and Douglas? We are cut from the same uptight cloth, with the minor exception of him being a scientist and me not even understanding science.

So without giving away the entire thing, let me just say that it's an interesting look inside of a marriage, and I did not see that ending coming at all even though I should have, and it was definitely worth the read.

Um, but go read One Day first. ;)

"Attachments" by Rainbow Rowell(324 pages)

Here's another one I read just based on the author -- I loved "Eleanor and Park" -- and so, again, I just added it to my ebook list and waited eight years for it to become available. (Or two months. Who cares?)

I devoured this book in no time at all, which made me sad because I really enjoyed it. It's easy and breezy and beautiful (wait, no, that's Cover Girl make-up, sorry) and just fun to read. I mean, yeah, here's this guy who's paid to read people's emails, which even in 1999 seems a little far-fetched, but what do I know, and then he falls in love with this girl just based on her words, and the she falls in love with him just based on his face. (Crap. That might have been a spoiler.)

Anyway, I loved it. It's, like, candy for sarcastic people who love words.

I really wish I owned this one.

"Landline" by Rainbow Rowell(319 pages)

So let's just say, hypothetically, that you've been acting like a (lovable, awkward) jerk and your husband leaves you behind on Christmas with your two girls to go visit his Mom because you're just going to be working on writing your dream comedy television show anyway.

You with me so far?

And then you go to your childhood home because you're kind of having a breakdown and apparently you have a magic phone in your old bedroom that allows you to talk to said husband TWENTY YEARS AGO when he was merely your boyfriend and your relationship also needed work, and you learn some stuff about yourself and your husband and you realize you have to make a choice.

What's interesting is the wife is the successful, career-driven one and the husband is the one at home with the kids, which is totally a role reversal of what you'd normally get. And Georgie has to make some hard decisions. Are they fair? I don't know. But they are what lots of women have to make. I know my kids and husband are on the short side of my stick sometimes ... and the guilt that produces.

Well, anyway. Again, this is for people who love words and playing with words and words that aren't going to cause you any headaches but will give you a few lovely hours in some alternate universe where magic phones are possible.

I'm a big fan of Rainbow Rowell. I have "Fangirl" on my waiting list and I'm hoping that comes up in February. I would read the phone book if she wrote it. You think I'm kidding, but I'm not.

Pages read: 1,062

Huh. I thought it would be more than that. Math and all. SO HARD.

December Pointless Lists

Merry and bright!
Fake it 'til you make it, internet friends.

This month has been hard for me, but I got through, partly because my Holiday Resolutions were solid, and also because Eric is a rock and took it upon himself to do all of the shopping for the girls, get the Christmas tree, and literally stand over me to make sure I got our Walker Family Christmas Form Letter written and Christmas cards out. I suppose that sounds a bit controlling, that last bit, but honestly, I needed the motivation and the support. 

Oh, wait, I did do the stockings and one "random" box of bits for Johanna, and I bought my brother the most awesome Sasquatch shirt EVER, but that was it. Eric said that someone on Abby's basketball team made a joke about how men don't do anything to get ready for Christmas, and he was a little offended. 

As he should be. I'd like to go on record that Christmas 2015 would not have happened this year if not for my darling husband. He takes good care of us, and no, I don't think it's a slap to my pro-Feminism leanings to say so. We all need someone in our corner. Everyone needs an Eric.

Books read:
This is where my list gets even sadder because I read ZERO books this month. And after my great go of it last month, too! One problem is that I got four more books all at once from our city's e-library and I just... I don't know. It depressed me for some reason. I started reading Nick Offerman's "Gumption," mostly because he's hilarious and I thought it would lift my spirits a bit, but it turned out to be kind of boring. I'm sorry, Nick Offerman! I love you and I feel terrible saying that. But I never did get past like the sixth chapter.

Ah, well.

Movies watched:
Star Wars: The Force Awakens. YOU GUYS. I almost let my anxiety get the best of me, but I went to the movie theater to watch this little flick with my family, and it was amazing. Now THAT is a Star Wars movie! Loved the story, broke my heart near the end, loved the characters, the acting was great, the effects were just right, JJ Abrams is a genius. I give it all the stars! Now we're collectively depressed because we have to wait until 2017 for the next one.

Light update:
Ah, light! My idea of using a word to guide you through a year has changed as the year has progressed -- gone from "inspiration to action!" to "just try to embrace the feeling." I've got a new word picked out for 2016, and I'm not planning to use it for anything besides the cultivation of my soul. Wow, that is probably overkill on the drama, but I'm not sure how else to explain it. I will use the word simply to remind myself of what I'm ultimately going for, not to add to my to-do list.

If you'd like to come up with a word for 2016, here's something to help you: Susannah Conway has a free workbook and e-course to help you figure it out.

Project 333 update:
I'm looking forward to another year of P333 and minimalism. I've pretty much got my next rotation nailed down, and to make it more of a challenge, I've decided to stick to the strict 33 count, including shoes and leggings and scarves. I came to this conclusion after wearing the same long-sleeve turtleneck sweater four times in one week without anyone noticing. Let's see what happens when I'm truly pared down...

Have you been thinking about starting your own Project 333? Here's Courtney Carver's website to help you figure it all out. My advice: Start slow. And make edits if you need to. I promise you will not be sorry, and you will never go back to an overflowing wardrobe that contains nothing to wear.

One small announcement:

I'm going to retire my monthly Pointless Lists at the end of the year. I've been thinking a lot about this, because apparently I need more hobbies, and I've come to the conclusion that I just don't need to do them anymore. Four years of pointless lists is enough.

It's been a good run.

A look back at 2015

As seen on a recent walk around town.

Christmas is over, New Year's is just around the corner, and I am trying to make sense of what the hell even happened in 2015. I was talking with Abby on Sunday, and said I knew this year would be hard, but I didn't expect it to be this hard. She said that we just thought it would be hard in different ways and that's why it seemed to be overly difficult.

My kid is so smart.

Well, whatever. This year seemed to be the best of times and the worst of times, but I think that's pretty much how it is every year. You can't have the sweet without the sour. Or something. I think I read that once. I think I'd much rather have all sweet, though, thankyouverymuch. The sour sucks.

Anyway, as I sit here and think about the past (almost) 365 days, these are the things that stand out for me. I'm trying to be all zen and like, there is no good nor bad, it's just our perceptions, except right now zen is alluding me so you get this:

The Good

1. Our trips to California and Sunriver were amazing.
2. I got farther in my zero waste journey.
3. I continued to be a minimalist. And a damn good one. ;)
4. I discovered the joy that is art journaling.
5. I learned I tend to be self-destructive, which may seem bad, but that revelation has been a real eye-opener for me. It helps me stay on track.
6. My husband is darling in so many ways. We celebrated our 20th anniversary!
7. My girls are smart and make parenting extremely easy.
8. Let's not leave out Skilly. He's the best. Well... mostly.
9. I loved my year in the newsroom -- every single minute of it. That's not to say that sometimes I don't want to ram my head through a wall, because frustrations are normal and they happen, but you guys! I get to read and write all day long! That doesn't even seem like working.
10. I started acupuncture and reflexology, and that has made a big difference in my overall health and mental well-being.
11. I embraced the light. Sometimes I had more success than other times.
12. My hair is finally its natural color -- from root to end!

The Bad

1. We lost Eric's cousin Aaron and my grandfather. We found out that Uncle Bob's cancer has spread to his spine and blood. We learned that sweet Celia, our friend and hairdresser, has cancer and there's nothing that can be done about that. We also lost our kind neighbor and friend, Tom.
2. Just so many funerals.

The Ugly

1. I fought anxiety a lot this year. I did allergy elimination through my acupuncturist, and I think with that and my monthly reflexology appointments (just for relaxation), I'm better overall. I still have some general and social anxiety, which can be a pain, but I also have tools to get myself through it.
2. Accepting that my grandparents are getting older.
3. Grieving. Grieving is so super hard, you guys.
4. Just getting through December. But I did it.

You know what, 2015? Thank you for the opportunities, and the good times, and the lessons learned from all the rest. Here's to a more peaceful 2016.

"It's Christmastime and we've got the spirit!"

I've actually been listening to Christmas music this year (well, "winter music" might be a better term for some of it), which speaks well for my mental stability, actually. My holiday resolutions are working!

I have been trying to figure out a way to share my favorite songs for this time of year, but unfortunately I am 43 and not as technically advanced as I'd like to think. So instead of giving you a nice tidy playlist link to click, here's what I managed to find on YouTube. You can click on whatever you think you might like and forget the rest, I guess. :)

Trisha's December Playlist of Awesome:
This year's love: David Gray
Better Days: Goo Goo Dolls
Beautiful Things: Gungor
O Come Emmanuel: John Berry
My<Dsmbr: Linkin Park
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen: MercyMe
Silver Bells: Ray Coniff Singers
Christmas in Hollis: Run DMC
Winter Song: Sarah Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson
Song for a Winter's Night: Sarah McLachlan
Soul Cake: Sting

Happy winter!

Holiday resolutions

See how Santa is already burned out? METAPHOR.

I follow quite a few simplicity blogs (which you have to admit is kind of ironic because how hard can simplicity be?), and over at The Simple Year a couple weeks back, Tracy posted this:

Today it occurred to me that New Year’s resolutions are improperly timed. Resolutions are more necessary at this time of year. Then, when the new year arrives, you didn’t eat too much or spend too much or drink too much.

You know what, Tracy? Word up.

And, then, like the Universe was actually trying to teach me something, I read THIS from Courtney Carver at Be More With Less:

Things build up day after day, week after week, and month after month. A new year offers hope for a clean slate, but we sometimes forget about the opportunity of a new day. Why do we have to wait for January 1st for a fresh start?

(You should actually read this entire post, which is entitled "Create the Promise of a New Day with a Clean Slate." Go ahead, I'll wait...)

Reading Tracy's post inspired me to make my own holiday resolution list, and Courtney's reminded me that every single day is an opportunity to start over, no matter what has happened the day before. My mother likes to say that we choose to have a happy heart; why can't we choose a daily clean slate?

The holidays are, traditionally, kind of a rough time for me. My introverted, minimalist heart does not like all the commotion and chaos and advertisements telling me I need to buy this or spend this much so the people I love know that I love them. Add to that the sadness I feel this year after losing my grandpa (you guys, how can he be gone? I still can't wrap my mind around that, even after six months), and... let's just say I don't really look forward to December at all.

Which is kind of a dismal way to look at what is supposed to be a magical month.

So I took this whole notion of holiday resolutions very seriously is what I'm saying. What did I want out of this month? This holiday season? From myself?

Not the complete list, but here are some of the (better, perhaps overly optimistic) intentions I came up with:

1. To survive. I don't have to get through this ordeal prettily; I just need to get through. Pressure off!

2. To remember that this time with my family is a gift. It's easy for me to forget that I love these people more than anything in the world. Abby is already a junior in high school; Johanna turns 11 in just a couple of weeks. Eric is the rock on which my world is built. We're in the golden era of our family. This is the time to enjoy it.

3. Is this XYZ self-destructive? If it is (staying up too late, eating that eighth cookie, forgetting to introvert, not exercising, forgetting to be kind), then I will NOT DO THAT THING. (This is actually a new life resolution, now that I think about it.)

4. It's okay to feel sad and miss my loved ones. I'm not likely to forget that we lost Gramps this year, and I always miss my Grammie M something terrible this season too. Oh, and the anniversary of my miscarriage is Dec. 6, and Grandpa M's death Dec. 12. I will remember them, I will send them my love and hold them in my heart, and I will be sad when I am sad -- and happy when I am happy. Hey, it goes both ways.

5. It's okay to be frustrated but it's NOT okay to be a jerk. Yeah. I'm not actually all that great of a person to be around sometimes. But there's no reason to lash out when I find I'm not surviving, remembering to enjoy time with Eric and the girls, feeling self-destructive and sad and overwhelmed. I can choose to have a happy heart and make my Mommy proud! ;)

BONUS RESOUTION:

6. Take all the naps! (I think that's pretty self-explanitory.)

...And if I fail at any of these (and, let's face it, I will), I can start over the next day! Or even that next minute. (Courtney is a genius.)

Besides keeping these resolutions in mind, I'm also making time for a couple of other activities that are just good for my soul: Courtney's 31 Gifts You So Deserve (can you tell I'm a big fan of this woman?) and Bishop Robert Barron's Advent Reflections. Both are delivered via email each morning; I try to read them when the house is quiet, but if the world is against me, I wait until lunchtime. I've been making journal pages based on Courtney's gifts (it's not too late to sign up, by the way... there's a nominal fee, but it's totally worth it), which has been both a great way to not only appreciate them, but be creative, present in the moment, and open to the magic of the season. The same goes for Bishop Barron -- I copy passages that resonate with me so I can look back and be reminded of what Advent is about, not just in December, but always.

My journal is getting quite the workout these days, actually. It is AWESOME.

So that's the roadmap I'm following this month. I am hopeful that this will be a peaceful December in my heart and soul because of it.

What would make your holiday resolutions list?

November Pointless Lists

iPad art by Johanna. She certainly knows
the way to my heart.

Today is, true story, Eric's 45th birthday. Which begs the question: How did he get so old? Luckily I am as young and blooming as ever. Or maybe just immature. Yeah, I totally do better with adult supervision.

Kind of lost the thread of my thoughts here already, but what to the ever.

So. November. Pointless list time?

Books read
I read too many (never!), so you can see all of that ordeal HERE.

A Thanksgiving rant
You guys, when did Thanksgiving turn into thanks-getting? We had shops open at 2 p.m. on Thanksgiving Day, which I was horrified to learn, except then I found out the grocery store didn't even close until 4 p.m., so really, whatever, I guess. But it just depresses me to no end.  It's like we're saying, I guess I'm thankful for my blessings, but what I really need is this XYZ and then I'll really be happy! Just... where does it end?

So we didn't buy anything on Thanksgiving Day, not even a cup of coffee (of which I was sorely tempted by, I won't lie, but I held strong). And we had a very nice day with family and Mom's homemade stuffing, and you know what? It was perfect.

Light update
I'm just trying to be kind to myself. I had an ah-ha moment at the acupuncturist's office earlier this month when my stomach was a wreck -- she said something about being self-destructive when we're stressed, and I was like, WHAT? Because I've never thought about it that way before: I do things that will make myself sick, but I justify it by saying that I'm just giving in to what my body wants (my mind?). But I have never, ever thought of myself as self-destructive.

You guys, I'm self-destructive! So now when I'm faced with a decision when I'm stressed / hungry / angry / happy / unhappy / anxious / depressed, I think, Is this self-destructive? And if I answer yes, then I do not do that thing.

I'm channeling Dwight Schrute, now that I think about it:

Project 333 update
I guess I kind of already did this one, too, HERE, but anyway, the other day I wore a pair of leggings that I have literally worn to work once a week since I got them (in September? I forget), and everyone was freaking out about my "new" outfit. I was like, uh, no, and they were all, we've never seen those leggings before! And I was like, huh, well, I guess it's true that no one really pays attention to what you wear.

I was quite comforted by that, actually.

Skilly update
Skilly is not amused by 18-degree temperatures. (That's Fahrenheit, by the way.) He goes out, then he comes back in, then forgets that it's cold and goes back out, then immediately wants back in. That's kind of how he is when it's hot too, though. Cats are jerks.

Never mind. He's perfect.

Johanna update
This past weekend, Eric and Johanna made her a pair of nunchucks in Eric's shop. It's probably fine. What could happen?

She's also on a traveling basketball team (not her idea) and is ... doing okay, I guess. She's a natural athlete, but she lacks, shall we say, determination, confidence and drive. (Well, me too, so I mean this in no way derogatorily.)

Abby update
Basketball season has also started for Abby, which means if I had a social life, it would be over between the two girls' schedules. Good thing I don't, then. She's on varsity, is a tower, and has enough determination for the entire squad.

Minimalism and zero waste update
Minimalism is easy. It's easy to discard and it's easy not to buy anything when you're forced to think about A) What you just got rid of and 2) How you're going to eventually have to get rid of this.

I don't know if the kids always appreciate this mindset (Johanna wants a huge stuffed monkey for Christmas, but what in the world do you do with something like that?), but I like to think eventually they'll thank me for it.

Or at least have something to talk about in therapy when they're adults.

Zero waste is harder. I really, really need to start planning our meals and such around what is available to us without packaging -- I think that would take away a lot of my frustration and my tendency to fail. A nobel goal. I will try harder.

I also don't know if Eric always appreciates this, either, since I don't care what anyone says, most of the time package-less items cost more than their prepackaged counterparts, and he's all about the bottom line...

Pre-November Pointless Lists: Books read

It's been almost too good of a month on the book front, so I'm breaking away from my usual Pointless Lists format to give you this little review of everything I managed to devour this month. Irony: After three months of nothing, I had three e-library books come up. Like, all at once. Add to that a book I've had preordered for a year, and it was a whirlwind of words.

Whatever. Spreading things out is highly overrated.

Books read
Library of Souls: The Third Novel of Miss Peregrine's Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs. I actually read this as a book (Abby's copy, to be precise) because after reading the second via my e-library account, I discovered the third one isn't offered. You guys, I just can't even see the logic in this. Readers have needs! You've got to complete the series, The Man! That's just good manners.

I liked this book much better than the second -- it was just a fantastic, action-packed ordeal. I also like how Riggs incorporates old, bizarre pictures into his stories. Thumbs up!

Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel. This was the first of my e-library riches that I decided to tackle, since it's the one I'd been looking forward to the most. I wanted to read it as a library book, though, because I've seen mixed reviews -- some people love it, some people hate it -- and I didn't want to shell out $10 and just be disappointed.

I shouldn't have worried. This is just a great read. The premise is that 99 percent of the earth's population is wiped out, and with it, all internet, electricity, phones, transportation ... you get the idea. It's like Little House on the Prairie except with crazier people. Which makes sense -- how do you go from having all those things to NOT? Really, it's mind-boggling. So you've got doomsday cults and theater troops and people just trying to survive all thrown together. You can read the summary and reviews for yourself, but you guys, I totally recommend this one. I'm tempted to buy it just so I can read it again...

In the Unlikely Event by Judy Blume. Oh, Judy Blume, author of my childhood! How could I resist a book for adults, then? Another of my e-library books (why did all the good ones come up all at once?! I like to read things twice, and I didn't have the chance...). Another fantastic read. This one is based on three plane crashes that happened in her hometown of Elizabeth, New Jersey, in the early '50s. It's a fictionalized account, but it's really compelling, especially in this age of post-9/11 terrorism et al. Loved the characters,  loved the ending where everyone is scarred but okay. Highly recommend.

Winter (The Lunar Chronicles) by Marissa Meyer. THIS is the book I've been patiently waiting for FOREVER, and preordered it from Amazon the minute I was able to. The Lunar Chronicles are amazing, you guys -- they're fairytales with a twist: Cinder (Cinderella) is a cyborg who kicks ass, Scarlet (Little Red Riding Hood) is a pilot who kicks ass, Cress (Rapunzel) is a hacker who kicks ass, and Winter (Snow White) is an insane princess who kicks ass. Do you see where I'm going with this? You cannot go wrong here.

This was the final book in the series (sigh), and it was worth the wait. I love Meyer's writing style, I love her characters, I love her storylines, I love that I think I know what is going to happen and then she takes me by surprise. I would read this woman's shopping lists. If you haven't read this series, you need to drop everything right now and do it. I'm serious. You're welcome.

An Ember in the Ashes by Sabaa Tahir. I read this one on Abby's recommendation, and it was a good read. It's got an interesting premise, even if the storyline isn't new (you know, the whole "throwing off the oppressor" ordeal. Three of my five books this month were along those lines. Huh). Easty-to-read writing style, believable characters, and again, I like it when I think I know what is going to happen and then it turns out I didn't after all. (Screaming OH NO YOU DIDN'T at my Kindle is fun!) It looks like this is the first in a series, so... I've got something to look forward to.

***

As it is only Nov. 23 and I've got seven whole days before the month ends, you might think it premature for me to write my finalized list. It isn't. My plan is to reread Winter (slowly, this time) and enjoy the fact that I know what happens and I don't have to worry about the characters anymore. ;)

October Pointless Lists

I was going to write a really witty and thrilling introduction to my October Pointless Lists, but I find that I am not feeling witty nor thrilling, so that's kind of a struggle.

Basically I just want to pump this out so I can go do something else. Sorry.

Pointless list time!

Books read
I started October rereading Eleanor and Park, which I had checked out from our eLibrary system and, ahem, hadn't returned yet (well, don't turn on wifi and they can't go away, okay? Cheating). But then my Kindle BROKE.

That screen is NOT a good sign.

Here's a tip for you, kids: When your Kindle breaks, you can call Amazon (google "Amazon Customer Service" and an 800 number pops up. You're welcome, America!) and they'll send you to a techie and then when you turn it on and off again and it's still broken (why is turning stuff on and off supposed to be a magic fix? Dumb), they'll give you a discount on your NEXT Kindle.

So I really had no choice but get a Kindle Paperwhite sans ads, which costs an extra $20, but I think it's worth it not to have to look at that kind of thing. P.S. I'd have gotten another Kindle Keyboard because I loved and adored mine, but they don't make them anymore. Downside: Those word games I played while waiting in offices for appointments to stave off anxiety no longer work on the new machine. :( Upside: I can read books in any light! That's kind of amazing.

The old and the new.

I was depressed because I thought it would take a week to 10 days to get my new Kindle, but lo and behold, it broke on a Friday and I had my replacement by Monday, so you know what? I love you, Amazon.

Anyway, that meant the end of Eleanor and Park, so I decided to reread The Hunger Games because ALL THE FEELS, so that was a fun week, and then I saw that Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger had finally been released as an ebook (YESSSSSSS) so I bought that. 

It's just a great book, that's why. If you read it and you're confused, just remember that Henry time travels but Claire does NOT. Then the storyline makes sense. It's one of my all-time favorite books. No joke.

Anyway, mid-way through that whole ordeal, I got an email notice that one of my eLibrary books had finally come up for check out! I've had it on hold since July 30, whatever, two months isn't that long of a wait, right? (Why did I think eLibrary was a good idea again? I have needs, you guys!) I can barely remember what I even reserved at this point, but it turned to be Hollow City by Ransom Riggs, the second in the Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children series.

So it's been a few years since I read the first one, and I didn't reread it before starting the second because I was kind of on a strict timeline, cheating abilities aside, so it didn't make a whole lot of sense all the time, and I didn't enjoy it as much as I remember enjoying Miss Peregrine's, but I soldiered on. It was fine. Fine enough that I thought I'd reserve the third in the series now so I can read it sometime in February (HA HA HA! That's slow checkout humor for you), but eLibrary doesn't even have the third book, so whatever. I guess if I want to continue I will just read Abby's hradbound copy even though actual books are such a pain.

I just like my Kindle, you guys.

Anyway, that's the whole sorrid affair. I'd apologize for this long, drawn-out update, but you're the one reading a blog called Pointless Ramble, so that's on you. I meant to write about my Kindle ordeal earlier, but then I got depressed. Ah, well.

Light update
I was not feeling the Light this month. I have no idea what I will focus on next month, either. Maybe just reminding myself that this is a thing I chose: Feeling light.

That's a lot harder than it should be.

Project 333 update
Not enough time has gone by for me to have any sort of update, now that I think about it. Ignore this one...

Abby update
Abby was going through my closet the other night looking for something to wear for Halloween. In her AP US History class, if she wore a historical costume, she'd get extra credit. So she's digging around, trying to decide if she's going to be Hillary Clinton or Mother Teresa -- but either way, perfectly confident I could provide the appropriate clothing.

I still have no idea how to take this.

And then, in the end, she just went as herself. So that was kind of disappointing.

Johanna update
This kid has had an interesting month. She's been thinking about her Halloween costume for weeks, vacillating between a ghost and the Grim Grandma (in case it doesn't translate, what Death would be if it were a grandma). Then she thought maybe she would be a detective. Or a geisha.

I'm kind of hoping this is our last year of dressing up and trick or treating, to be honest.

She's also started her own art journal, and it's awesome. If I were feeling more motivated right now, I'd post some of her pages. Maybe another time.

Eric update
How is it that even though the weather has been cold and rainy, Eric is STILL able to find excuses to work outside and thus avoid cleaning the bathroom, which is HIS responsibility?

Mysteries, you guys. They're everywhere.

Supernatural update
I am sorry to say that Abby cruised through Season Nine without me and is who knows how far along in Season 10. She is basically a terrible person. The end.

September Pointless Lists

Super moon! I was playing with camera settings last night and
this picture was the winner. Still kind of terrible.

I wish I could think of something witty or at the very least poetic to say about September, but all that's coming to mind is that I wish I had one more day to my weekend because I'm still pretty tired and that would be awesome.

I guess I'll have to make due with our school district's late start Mondays.

Pointless list  time!

Books read
Queen of Shadows by Sarah J. Maas. Oh, you guys, the bliss and the heartache that comes from finally reading a book you've waited months for. Bliss because YAY, and heartache because now the waiting continues again until the next installment. Maybe I just need to find books with shorter story arcs?

Nah.

Anyway, LOVE. It's a great story, this is a great book, and you all need to start reading the whole thing right now. I actually read it twice, as is the Trisha way. I'm too impatient to read carefully the first go, and then the second time I can be all smug because I get the foreshadowing et al.

And I do smug really well.

And hey, remember how I decided to start using our library's ebook service at the end of July so I could read lots of books but not go broke? I didn't even get ONE book on my list this month. I just checked my account and I'm still numbers 2 to 6 on the waiting list for all my chosen titles. So boring. What's even the point?

Light update
This month my plan was to go through my stuff again and get rid of All The Things, inspired by trying to clean out my grandparents' house. I didn't get as far as I'd hoped with this, but I didn't do too badly, either. It ended up being more cleaning than cleaning out, but maybe the best thing to come out of all this has been the mindset of: If I bring this home, how am I going to get rid of it?

You can leave all sorts of crap at the store when you think about it that way.

Anyway, having my house consistently clean has been very good on my psyche. I get a little overwhelmed by chaos.

Oh, and P.S., I continued to pull photos onto USB drives and off my hard drive. This has mostly worked great, except my 2013 drive is unrecognizable when I plug it into the computer, and I'm not really sure what to do about that. I guess I need a better system ... but what?

Project 333 update
The bookend seasons of spring and fall are the hardest for me to deal with when it comes to a capsule wardrobe. Not that it means I go much over my 33-item goal. Just that I don't really follow the three-months-and-then-you-switch-out-again rule.

Early September, the weather changed from hotter than the fires of hell to freezing cold. Well, upper 60ºs and 70ºs, but when you're used to the 90ºs, that's kind of a shocker to the ol' body. So I went through my closet and wardrobe about 25 days before I was "supposed" to and made it into part of my Light project. Because I can do whatever I want.

And I think that's okay. I've learned in the two years since I've started this whole mess that it's not so much about the rules as it is about reaping the benefits of a small wardrobe.

While we're on the subject, here's a great post from Janice at the Vivienne Files: How to Create Your Capsule Wardrobe. She has a different perspective.

Abby update
I'd ask Abby how she's doing, but I don't think she'd answer. She's taking really hard classes this term (AP Chem and trig ... good lord) and with her class president responsibilities and homecoming week, it's been an interesting  month.

I wish she didn't put so much pressure on herself, but that's just kind of how she's wired.

Johanna update
Johanna and I traveled to my niece's wedding shower on this past Saturday. Here's the card Jo drew for Rachel:

It was A Big Hit at the party.

Eric update
I just asked Eric what his favorite part of the month was, and he said, "The start of football. A couple good hikes. Getting ready for deer season. Hanging out with my girls." Huh. I think we've all learned something.

Things I canned/froze
Peaches! A pint for my grandma and 6 quarts for Eric.
... And that's pretty much it. Disappointing.

Supernatural update
Abby is way ahead of me now and on Season 9. I have no idea what is going on. She's a brat.